Snow, Orphans and Car Theft...

No, I haven't had my car stolen by orphans. Good guess though. In fact, the three themes of the title are almost entirely unrelated outside of making it into this blog post.

To start with, SNOW!! After an overly warm beginning to winter (enough to delay ski resort openings and generally mystify the locals) it is finally snowing here in my town. It started yesterday afternoon and has been more or less continuous since then. Yay! There is a nice solid blanket of a few inches coating the world around me and while it slows traffic considerably and that is somewhat annoying, it generally just makes me happy. It's supposed to snow straight through until Monday, and I'm hopeful that we'll have a nice white Christmas. So that is all good.

Which leads me to car theft. Why car theft you ask? Because I'm amazed that cars aren't stolen here on an hourly basis. With the arrival of the snow, I have witnessed a phenomenon that could only happen in Japan (please correct me if you know of some place else where this happens with EXTREME frequency)... the Japanese leave their cars running and unlocked outside of convenience stores, grocery stores, and just about any other kind of store, when it's cold and snowy. And not just for one minute while they run in really fast to buy a pack of smokes, either. They leave them on for 15-30 minutes while they SHOP and take their time. Try this in most places in the United States and you will come back to... an empty spot where your car used to be. Granted, I know some small towns where one could get away with this, but I still don't know many people who would do it. And, here, EVERYONE does it. Last night alone, when I went grocery shopping and stopped at a convenience store on the way, I saw a total of maybe 20 cars or more between both parking lots that were clearly on and had the keys in them. That was in ONE NIGHT, actually that was in a 2 hour period. Yeegads! So I am reassured, yet again, that Japan is the safest country in the world, and that it's people don't really care about CO2 emissions. (Win some, lose some.)

So, where do Orphans come into all this? You may wonder. They don't have much to do with the snow or the (lack of) car theft (at least, not that I know of) but they have everything to do with me having a wonderful weekend. On Saturday a big group of Gaijin (foreigners) and some Japanese friends of ours, all went to the local orphanage to play with some of the kids. I usually enjoy playing with kids (as long as I don't have to teach them too) but these kids were extra fun. Saturday was basically one of my all time best days ever. I was dragged around all day by a little girl who alternated between having me help her make Christmas cards and decorate cookies and being her own private horse that she got to run around the gym and chase other kids with. We communicated with hand signals and my horrible attempts at Japanese, but managed to get by. By the time we were supposed to leave I didn't want to go. Especially when she put on my jacket (she was about 5 so it was HUGE on her and made her look abnormally cute) and asked me if I was coming back next year. I promised her I was, and after she showered me in many hugs, and gave me my jacket back, I let her go and ran away before the overwhelming urge to adopt her took hold of me and I wound up with a five year old Japanese kid that I am by no means prepared to take care of. (If you realized how little I like the idea of having children, you would understand how adorable this girl must be in order to make me even remotely consider taking one on.) But, I managed to pull myself away in time, and thus am still child free. Though, I will certainly be going back next year and, hopefully, I will have improved my Japanese enough so as to be able to communicate more effectively with my new buddy.

So, that's all that's been going on with me lately. I love the snow, I hope it continues well into the night, and I won't even mind walking to work if I have to. Hope everyone is doing well and preparing for the holiday season.

~Gwen

Mama Mia, That Was Horrible!

Well, I still have some writing ahead of me tonight, but I felt the need to report that in a desperate attempt to procrastinate I watched the movie Mama Mia! tonight. It shows just how dedicated I was to delaying my writing that I watched the entire thing. I'm really not sure what's more impressive, how terrible the music was (I'm sorry but there are only so many poorly sung ABBA covers you can listen to in one 2hr period, come to that there are only so many well sung ABBA covers you can listen to in a 2hr period) or how shockingly bad the acting was.

I say that the acting was shockingly bad not because I'm surprised that the acting in a movie musical based entirely on the songs of ABBA would be shoddy, but because many of the actors in the movie are generally quite good. I can only assume that their performances dropped because the writing was shit and breaking into untrained song every 5 minutes was throwing them off their game. Seriously, I love, LOVE Pierce Brosnan, but the man should not be allowed to sing.

Yikes.

So, anyway, I'm hoping that that is my last vestige of cowardice from my previous lack of writing. In truth, even when I'm on a schedule that has me cranking out over 3,000 words a day there is still a LOT of procrastinating that goes on. I consider it an important part of the writing process. Yet, I hope that I will never be this desperate again, as the whole experience was slightly painful.

Ok. I felt that I needed to get that off my chest. Now it's time to actually get to that writing. Here's hoping I can get dancing queen out of my head long enough to get a few words down.

Epiphany...

I just came to a realization. I haven't really written a novel yet. I say that I have. I say that I've written two and am working on my third. I say that all the time. But, it's not really true. I mean it is true. But, it isn't. Want to know why? Because I've really only written two first drafts of two different novels and am currently working on a 3rd first draft of yet another. I've tweaked my first novel a bit, I've edited for grammar, a wee bit for content... But I haven't yet rewritten the thing and I know that it needs a rewrite (or three or four or ten) before it is a serious novel. Right now, with the grammar and punctuation all cleaned up... it's enough to be a bad novel. Hell, I might even be able to sell it the way it is. But, I have learned recently that to really write a novel, you have to rewrite it a few times. I say "learned"... this is, in fact, something I always knew, but I've never wanted to embrace it, and in the case of Novel #1 I've avoided it because "I can't publish the novel anyway, so it's not worth the time."

Why do I say that? Because Novel #1 is written in a world that's already owned by Wizards of the Coasts and they don't accept unsolicited manuscripts. Oops. Of course, if I rewrote it, I could probably change it sufficiently to be publishable somewhere else. But, I kind of don't want to. I really like the book in that world, and I don't really want to move it and have it be some cheap knock off. Part of me would rather wait and get it sold to Wizards of the Coast after I've sold of my other stuff elsewhere and they finally want a look at my stuff. So, I avoid the rewrite.

Novel #2 is in desperate need of a rewrite. It is definitely not salable in anything close to its current form. That is because it was a. written entirely during NaNoWriMo, b. needs quite a bit of fleshing out and c. needs a complete plot rethink to make it not absolute crap. But, I am terrified of that rewrite for both reasons b and c and so I have yet to come anywhere close to it.

Novel #3 is in progress and still unfinished in terms of plot. It started off as a NaNoWriMo novel, but will now expand past it. At the end of Nano it was 100,207 words long. As of right now it is 100,207 words long. Yeah, I haven't touched it since November. Why? Because I'm already realizing how much rewriting it's going to need before it's finished and I'm so horrified at the thought that I don't even want to write it anymore. Which is, of course, stupid.

Today, I realized, as I curled up in a ball ensconced under my blankets, trying to take a nap because I didn't want to do anything, that I am hiding from my book. I am not doing things because I know I should be writing. And if I should be writing, then I shouldn't be reading, or cleaning, or running, or hiking, or working out, or wasting time on the internet. But, I was afraid to write, so I wasn't writing, and if I wasn't writing, I shouldn't do those other things which left me with... napping. Right. Very productive. Good job Gwen. Way to be.

So, as I began to rouse myself from my nap it occurred to me... I'm being a coward, a weakling, a mouse surrounded by wolves. You name it, if it means being weak, that was me. WTF???? I am NOT a coward. But I have been doing an awfully good impression of one over the past few weeks. Well, no more. I have made a decision, I will finish this novel. I will finish the first draft by the end of December, that's in 20 days. I will then do one complete rewrite in the month of January. I will do another in February. By March of next year, I want to be able to say that I have FINISHED a novel. Really finished one. Not just written a rough draft that I will let sit by for ages, but truly finish one and start submitting queries for publication and/or agents.

My dream is publication. Always has been, always will be. I love writing, and I write for myself, but I love the idea of my book in print, on bookshelves in stores, in people's homes, and I will work towards that goal, and work hard. This book is good enough, I just have to get it there. Deal? Deal. Ok. I'm off to go write.

Warm Toilet Seats

Japan is often described as being a country where tradition and technology meet. This is certainly true, and is probably a subject worthy of a full dissertation's worth of study and writing. Yet I find that the whole thing can really be summed up by Japan's toilets.

Japan is a country wherein one can find toilets that are little more than holes in the ground that flush, and toilets that have so many bells and whistles that it would take a manual (or a good two hours of free time) to figure out exactly how they operate. And, the amazing thing is that often both of these toilets can be found in the same bathroom.

I shit you not. (Pardon the pun.)

I have been in more than one public restroom in Japan wherein the majority of the toilets are what are known as 'Japanese' toilets, which are smallish indentations in the ground that are lined with porcelain and have flushing mechanisms but which require squatting and don't encourage the cleanest bathroom floors. Yet in the same bathroom there is one stall that contains a 'Western' toilet which is so advanced technologically that I have yet to push all the buttons on it because I'm afraid they might result in an unwelcome bikini wax. The buttons that I have tried will do the following: 1. warm the seat (and adjust the temperature of said seat), 2. wash your butt with a 'refreshing' spray (I put refreshing in quotes because I have yet to decide if this spray is actually refreshing or merely creepy), 3. wash your 'butt' from an entirely different angle (here I put butt in quotes because methinks the different angle might well be aimed at a different target), 4. make a flushing sound so that people can't hear you take a crap, 5. spray a deodorizer into the air, 6. flush the toilet. And those are just the buttons I can vaguely understand the labels on either because I happen to know the kanji, or (more likely) because they are accompanied by a fairly descriptive drawing. There are still other buttons, and I fear them.

And, when such toilets as these exist, I have a difficult time fathoming why anyone would choose to straddle a hole in the ground instead. Of course, in the summer time, when the bathroom is crowded and you REALLY have to pee, I agree, any hole will do. And, certainly, such holes are far more economic and probably more environmentally friendly. But, why create the superior toilets at all then? Why taunt people with the warmed seat and built in bidet when there's a solid chance that they'll actually have to piss in a hole instead; ass exposed to the chill winter air, precariously balanced so as to avoid dragging their pant legs through a puddle of urine and strangely teetering back and forth so as to ensure that they don't add to the puddle of piss they are so desperately trying to dodge? Why, Japan? Why?

Because, my friends, Japan is a country firmly rooted in tradition while still taking all of the advantages of technology. So, to remind you of that, we will taunt you with toilets that may or may not have buttons that trigger orgasms whilst all the while forcing you to (most likely) piss in a hole.

The Book of Gwen: Behold! I create a new religion! No crazies allowed.

Behold The Book of Gwen! Not written through divine inspiration, but written by the one true Gwen herself, and therefore, most indubitably the true word of Gwen.

The Book of Gwen, The First Tome: Guidelines.

Guideline 1: Thou shalt be a rational human being.

Guideline 2: Thou shalt use reason in all things: love, war, politics, religion, and general day to day life.

Guideline 3: Thou shalt leave everyone else the hell alone. If someone else doth not agree with thou, thou art welcome to debate with them until kingdom come (although it’s not actually coming). However, under no circumstances art thou to attack them physically, or even threaten them physically.

Guideline 4: Thou shalt NOT worship me. I’m a freaking human being people, I am not divine. Thou shalt not worship human beings and thou shalt especially not worship imaginary beings that dwell where thou canst not see them.

Guideline 5: Thou shalt be nice to people. Let us be rational about this, the world is a better place when thou art nice to others and others are nice to thou.

Guideline 6: Thou shalt never, NEVER smite someone in the name of Gwen. If thou feelest the need to smite someone, have the balls to do it in thine own freaking name. Gwen doth not require the smiting of others.

Guideline 7: Thou shalt keep an open mind and seek out knowledge. If thou findest out something that makes more sense than what Gwen hath said in the past, then Gwendamnit, be reasonable about it. Again, I am human being, I can be wrong and thou art supposed to be rational.

Guideline 8: Thou shalt think things through all the way out to their logical conclusion before acting on them. No claming something seemed rational at the time and then didn’t work out the way you planned. At least, not in the name of Gwen. If thou art to be hasty thou acteth not in my name.

Guideline 9: Thou shalt make choices that will make thou happy in the long term. Thine happiness is paramount to Gwen. However, thou shouldst seriously consider Guideline 8 before making these choices.

Guideline 10: Thou shalt do the right thing whenever possible. Not the easy thing, the RIGHT thing.

Gwen hath spoken. So it is written, so it shall be done… Damn it!

The Book of Gwen: A New Beginning...

Once upon a time, the existed a faraway land called TIBU. TIBU was a magical place, where authors of all shapes and sizes could write about anything they wanted. They could post it and it would be read and it would be judged. "Goodness" would be calculated, comments would be made, and in theory money would be accumulated, though it rarely was. It was addictive. But the land of TIBU was not meant to last. The gods of the laws of marketing and economic prosperity saw fit to destroy the land and there was nothing any of its inhabitants could do to stop them. TIBU was razed to the ground in a fit of polytheistic rage and the few authors that survived its destruction were forced to migrate elsewhere, to find new homes for their works and few of them ever saw each other again. I was one of them.

My goal here is not to recreate thisisby.us. Far from it. Afterall, this is just a blog. Which means, by it's very nature it can only be about my writing and people's reaction to my writing. It can hardly be about the amazing exchange of literature and ideas that often took place in the lost land of TIBU. I'm a selfish creature. I don't have time to rebuild the empire, but I want the opportunity to once more post my thoughts, stories and diatribes and have them be read, perhaps make one or two people laugh and hopefully have a few people comment, if only to say I misspelled the word absentia and could I please take more care next time. Although, I wouldn't mind if someone wanted to comment on something else.

I can't recreate TIBU. But I still need an outlet for my writing, one that's anonymous, or, most importantly, one that's not read by my parents. I'm fully grown and out of the house and have been for quite some time now, but no one wants their parents reading articles about their sex life. Well, ok maybe that guy does, but he's kind of a perv and he smells funny. How about the rest of you? Didn't think so.

So, here I am. Here to talk about sex, love, other countries... sex and love in other countries... dogs, the outdoors, life. You name it. Oh, and I am a fiction writer so be forewarned, I may occasionally post some works of fiction for your perusal. (Don't worry I'll let you know if I do, so you don't have to wonder whether I'm actually singlehandedly fighting off dragons or not.)

That's about it. I hope you enjoy what follows. It's likely to be far more entertaining than this opening post. To start with, my very next post will be the bit of writing this site is named after: The Book of Gwen. It's my own personal set of rules. I originally wrote it for thisisby.us. Don't worry, I promise not to bore you with a legion of repeat posts from there, although I maintain that some of them are quite humorous, but this one is important, so it's going up. Enjoy the ramblings! Please drop of a comment if you like what you see (or if I've misspelled something).